


Survive the Wasteland

by Esselle



Series: Wasteland [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fallout, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Dark Past, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Frottage, Gun Violence, M/M, Protectiveness, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 12:29:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12726615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esselle/pseuds/Esselle
Summary: ' "I like looking at you."Kageyama turned back to him. Shouyou was staring. He did this, often, but there was stag blood flecked all over his face, and his eyes seemed to open wider and shine brighter, intense to the point of burning."You said it wasn't anything to be ashamed of," Shouyou continued. His little red tongue snaked out past his lips, wetting them, and Kageyama felt the sudden need to sit down.'--Shouyou's slowly surfacing past appears to hide something darker than just loneliness. As he begins to adjust to life on the outside, under the harsh conditions of the Wasteland, Kageyama starts to learn there's a difference between keeping someone alive, and showing them how to live.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The second arc of the Wasteland series (previously posted on Tumblr)!
> 
> Sorta backed myself into a corner with writing a Kinktober that falls somewhere in the timeline of this arc, so I wanted to just post them both at once! \o/ Happy Wasteland Day!

With a crack, the shot of a rifle being fired echoed off the dusty low hills surrounding the valley. Within the same breath, a [ radstag](http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/fallout/images/e/ee/Art_of_FO4_Radstag.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20160208183921) grazing on the sparse foliage on one of the hills jerked, blood blooming red over its shoulder. But it didn't fall, and instead sprang away, disoriented but quick.

"I got it!" Shouyou cried, scrambling up from his position on his belly to point excitedly at the fleeing animal.

"Yep," Kageyama said blandly, taking a swig of dark liquid from the dusky bottle he was carrying. "Aaand, say goodbye to our dinner."

Shouyou stared at him for a moment before spinning around with a yelp. "Kageyama! It's getting away!"

"Whose fault is that?" Kageyama asked, but he put out his hand. Shouyou took the bottle from him and swapped it for the rifle, thrusting it into his grasp, watching as Kageyama took aim while standing, caught the stag in his crosshairs, and fired. The animal crumpled to the ground, shot dead after the bullet passed cleanly through both its skulls. Kageyama propped the rifle onto his shoulders, and smirked. _"That_ was a hit."

Shouyou scowled. "I still _hit_ it," he said.

"Right," Kageyama agreed. "You just didn't kill it, which is the entire point of shooting at it." He reached for the bottle of booze again but Shouyou snatched it out of reach and took a single sip, before exploding into coughing.

"Ugh, why do we have to drink this stuff?" he asked, pulling a face.

"You don't have to," Kageyama said, taking the bottle back from him. He took a long swig, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I told you not to waste it if you don't like it, and you keep insisting." He began to make his way over the little hill they were standing on, over to where they'd downed the radstag.

"I'm getting used to it," Shouyou said, poking his tongue out in Kageyama's direction as he trotted in front of him, always determined to be first. "If you're drinking it, so will I!"

"Suit yourself." Kageyama shrugged. "Might put a little hair on your chest."

"Why would it… do that?" Shouyou asked. "You don't have any hair on your chest, Kageyama, and you drink all the time."

Kageyama tried to grab his fluffy head, but missed—Shouyou's reflexes were much faster than his slight, unimpressive build might suggest, which was fortunate. If he couldn't be big, he could at least get away from things that were.

"It's a figure of speech, dumbass," he said. "Wait, have you been spying on me again? When I'm n—naked?" His scowl deepened as he said those last words. He knew Shouyou did it every chance he got, had caught those enormous, inquisitive brown eyes staring through doors cracked open, after Kageyama had taken a bath or when he was swapping dirty clothes for clean ones.

"You told me it's not weird to see other people's bodies," Shouyou pointed out. "And I never have before, so I wanna look!"

"Then why do you only do it to me?" Kageyama asked.

"Who says I only do it to you?"

"What?" Kageyama barked, nearly tripping over a tree root. "Who have you—you're not seriously—"

He couldn't just let Shouyou run around trying to catch glimpses of people naked. For one, Tsukishima would have them both thrown out of the city, probably, never mind the hospital, where Yamaguchi had convinced him to let them stay while they worked off their debt (somehow, without accruing more for room and board… they didn't ask how, Yamaguchi worked miracles inside the operating room and out, it seemed.)

Two, who _knew_ what kind of trouble Shouyou could find himself wrapped up in, if the wrong person caught him creeping about. He wouldn't even have time to explain his mysterious back story (never mind the fact that he refused to talk about it to anyone, including Kageyama).

None of Kageyama's reservations had anything to do with the fact that he was jealous, of course. None at all.

Shouyou glanced over his shoulder and Kageyama caught the beginnings of a sly smile.

"You scrawny shit," he said, deflating.

"I know it's rude to spy on people I don't _know_ ," Shouyou said.

"It's also fucked up to spy on the ones you do," Kageyama said. "So leave the doctors out of this."

"But it's fine for me to look at you," Shouyou said.

"It's—that is _not_ what I—"

They had reached the stag by now, and Kageyama decided to ignore the entire argument for the time being. He pulled one of his knives from his belt, a long, thin one used for shearing fur and flesh alike. But before he could decide on the best place to cut, so they could transport the meat with a low radiation affectation more easily, Shouyou pulled on his arm.

"I'll do it," he said.

"Oh?" Kageyama asked, amused and secretly pleased at his initiative. "You sure? You'll be eating whatever you cut, and your tolerance for rads is lower than the rest of us." Though not as low as it might have been. For all the trouble it had given them, nearly dying from a wound delivered by a Glowing One had made Shouyou surprisingly resilient to radiation poisoning, considering he'd been locked in a sterile Vault all his life.

"Give me the knife, _Tobio,"_ Shouyou said, and Kageyama handed it over. But in the next moment, Shouyou had pointed at the stag's flank with the tip of the blade, making a deep cut before Kageyama could so much as give his approval. He'd chosen a good spot for untainted meat.

"You aim better with your stomach than with your eyes," Kageyama told him, not without some pride. After all—he'd been the one teaching Shouyou how to get by in the Wasteland for the past few months. It was starting to pay off.

Shouyou made another hacking cut into the flesh of the creature—he must have hit a vein, blood pumped out in a quick, hot spray, stippling over Shouyou's forehead, cheek, and nose. But instead of panicking or wretching, he just grimaced and continued working. A huge improvement to the earlier days, when he'd vomited the first few times he'd attempted skinning kills.

"I'm going to keep looking," Shouyou said suddenly, and Kageyama raised an eyebrow at him in surprise. The smaller man was entirely focused on his work, hands and wrists dripping red. But he kept talking. "And… I was joking. I don't look at anyone else. So don't worry."

Kageyama laughed, short and sharper than intended—but he wasn't the best at playing it cool outside of firefights, and he was terrible at reining in his emotions. "Why the hell would I be worried?"

"I don't know, you're acting all big and scary, and you do that when you're worried!" Shouyou said, glaring up at him briefly.

"I'm not," Kageyama said. "Worried. You're just weird."

"For 'spying' on you?" Shouyou asked, returning to the task at hand.

"Obviously." It was weird, and Shouyou was weird, but Kageyama had never done anything but point it out, despite all the times he'd caught Shouyou in the act, red-handed.

"If you want me to stop," Shouyou said, "just tell me."

Kageyama opened his mouth to say exactly that, should have said it a long time ago. "I don't even know why you keep doing it." Feeling irritatingly defeated, he scratched his neck and looked away. Well. It had been an attempt.

"I like looking at you."

Kageyama turned back to him. Shouyou was staring. He did this, often, but there was stag blood flecked all over his face, and his eyes seemed to open wider and shine brighter, intense to the point of burning.

"You said it wasn't anything to be ashamed of," Shouyou continued. His little red tongue snaked out past his lips, wetting them, and Kageyama felt the sudden need to sit down.

Shouyou had nothing to be ashamed of, because his curiosity was entirely innocent. But Kageyama knew that later, when Shouyou was asleep and he was actually alone, there would be nothing innocent about the way he thought about Shouyou. His mouth and tongue, fiery eyes watching, expression bloody and fierce, whispering _I like looking at you_ as Kageyama muffled his moans in his pillow and attempted to find some tiny sense of relief from the heat trapped beneath his skin.

"Kageyama, are you coming?"

His eyes flew open. He hadn't even realized they'd been closed.

"What?" he rasped.

Shouyou was standing, cleaning his hands, the stag meat he'd cut laid neatly on a cloth for packing and carrying. "I'm done! We can head back now, right?"

"Yeah," Kageyama said. "Yeah, I guess so."

Shouyou rolled his eyes. "You guess so—like you've got a bunch of other stuff to do."

"What are you in such a hurry over, then?" Kageyama shot back. "Because I _know_ you have nothing to do."

"We gotta start boiling this _now,_ if we want it ready in time for dinner," Shouyou said knowledgeably. Kageyama could practically see his mouth watering.

"Or," Kageyama said, thrusting the rifle out, hitting Shouyou in the chest with it, "we could get in some more target practice."

Shouyou looked conflicted, likely as his will to prove himself warred with his perpetually hungry stomach. "Okay, fine," he said, finally. "What's the target?"

"See those stones on that hill?" Kageyama asked, nodding in their direction.

Shouyou squinted, and then wailed. "Aw, Kageyama, those are _miles_ away!"

*

They made it back in plenty of time to cook the radstag before dinner. That night would be stew, with Shouyou buzzing around the kitchen "helping" Yamaguchi and Kageyama, while Tsukishima drank and scoffed.

"Radstag again?" he asked, with an unimpressed glance in Kageyama's direction. "I thought you said you planned to pay off your debt, not make me regret helping you even more."

"Would you rather be eating rad _roach?"_ Kageyama asked, teeth bared in a poor impression of a smile.

"I'd rather we not be putting a roof over your head at all," Tsukishima responded, his own smile terrifyingly fake.

"Dinner's ready!" Yamaguchi said, suddenly and loudly.

"I love radstag!" Shouyou said cheerfully. "And roach isn't that bad once you get past the texture!"

"I really don't recall indicating interest in your opinion," Tsukishima said dryly.

"Well," Shouyou said, cheeks puffing, "I don't care about whether or not you do!"

Tsukishima's eyes glinted and Kageyama, begrudgingly sensing they'd irritated their temporary landlord enough for the time being, refrained from laughing and instead cuffed Shouyou on the back of the head.

"Seriously," he said, "nobody asked you."

Shouyou glared at him, too, before setting to shoveling stew into his mouth, and complaining to a sympathetic Yamaguchi in between bites (and occasionally, while his mouth was still full). Kageyama and Tsukishima ate in silence, but when Tsukishima finished, he laid his cutlery down and turned to Kageyama.

"I heard of a job opportunity at the market district, today."

Kageyama glanced at him. "And?"

"And, since I'd quite like to be repaid for my services sooner, rather than never," the other man continued, "I thought you might be interested."

"What is it?" Kageyama asked, trying not to show that he was, indeed, very interested. Even Shouyou had quieted and was listening.

"Pest control," Tsukishima said.

Kageyama snorted. "What, Raiders? Gunners? That won't pay nearly—"

"Deathclaw," Tsukishima interrupted, and Kageyama closed his mouth.

"What's a deathclaw?" Shouyou asked, but the other three ignored him.

"Why…" Yamaguchi spoke up, looking alarmed, "why are they sending people after one of those? Why not just let it be?"

"They want to clear the land for a new city settlement." Tsukishima shrugged. "The pay is—well. What you'd expect for a job that large. They're just looking for a group stupid enough to take up the offer."

"I'll do it," Kageyama said, instantly.

"And I told them I knew just the man to lead the expedition," Tsukishima said, with a smirk. "You'll just need to get a big enough group together. Find—"

"I'll do it myself," Kageyama interrupted.

Tsukishima shot him a long, careful look. "That," he said, "is too stupid. Even for you."

"Not quite," Kageyama said calmly. "I've done it before."

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi both stared at him like he was insane. Which, Kageyama supposed, he sort of was, to most people.

"You've killed a—" Yamaguchi started to say, but was cut off.

"He won't be alone, though," Shouyou piped up. "I'll go—"

"You're staying here," Kageyama said.

"What?!" Shouyou asked. "No way, Kageyama you said that—"

Kageyama reached out, grabbed a fistful of Shouyou's shirt, and yanked him out of his seat. Shouyou's eyes were wide as he stared into them, and growled, _"You. Aren't. Coming."_

"O-okay," Shouyou stammered.

Kageyama dropped him back into his chair without another glance, looking back at Tsukishima. "I'll go in the morning and accept the offer. It'll be enough, right? To pay off the operation?" Tsukishima nodded slowly, and Kageyama stood. "Good. I'm going to bed early, then."

"You know you only get paid if you survive, right?" Tsukishima called after him.

Kageyama didn't pause to answer, not even when he heard Shouyou ask, voice rising in pitch, "If he survives? But he'll be fine, right? Kageyama will—"

He escaped to his room before he could hear more of the uncharacteristic fear in that voice. There was no way he'd let Shouyou follow him into a situation as dangerous as this. But he'd see that Kageyama was fine soon enough, when he returned. And better yet, they'd no longer owe anyone anything.

But before he could look forward to that, he needed to prepare for the fight ahead.


	2. Chapter 2

Shouyou stared in stunned confusion at Kageyama's back as the other man walked away. Despite vowing to do so many, many times, Kageyama had never truly pushed him away like he had just now. Especially not the evening before he left for a job.

Kageyama had taken several odd jobs here and there since they'd come to Smog City, some of them mundane, and some of them quite dangerous—but if he was leaving Shouyou behind at the hospital, he always gave him a rundown of what he'd be facing, if only to teach him more about the Wasteland. He never seemed threatened or worried.

This time, though—this time Kageyama seemed tense. That was new and unsettling enough to set Shouyou on edge.

"Tsukki…" Yamaguchi said.

"What," Tsukishima deadpanned.

"You know what!"

"I didn't—" Tsukishima hissed angrily. "I didn't think he'd be stupid enough to do this."

"Even if there were others, even _if—_ " Yamaguchi shook his head. "I can't believe they'd post something like this."

"It's a job, it's good pay," Tsukishima said. "Deathclaws aren't indestructible. If you know how to kill one—"

"How do you?" Shouyou asked.

They both turned to him, as if remembering for the first time he was there.

"How do you what?" Tsukishima asked.

"Kill one," Shouyou said. "A deathclaw."

"You don't even know what they _are."_

"So?" Shouyou challenged him. "I can kill mole rats, and I didn't know what they were, up until a few months ago."

"That is not remotely the same thing," Tsukishima said.

"You just said yourself they aren't indestructible," Shouyou pointed out. "So, how?"

"You realize this isn't something I've done myself, right?" Tsukishima asked, and then sighed at the resolute glare on Shouyou's face. "Look all I know is, you need a lot of guns, and a lot of luck."

"That's not very helpful," Shouyou said, before backtracking at the look on Tsukishima's face. "Okay, okay!"

It really wasn't much to go off of. But, Shouyou knew Kageyama certainly had a lot of firepower. And, just by virtue of the fact that Shouyou himself was still alive, he thought he could consider himself pretty lucky.

He figured it would have to do.

The next morning, when Kageyama left the city, he had a second shadow, though he didn't know it. Armed with nothing but a rifle and an old map, Shouyou followed him, putting a half hour's delay worth of distance between the two of them, so Kageyama wouldn't suspect he wasn't making his way across the Wasteland alone. Shouyou had told no one he was going, not even Yamaguchi.

The two day journey to the objective proved to be a true test of skill. Though Kageyama would have undoubtedly cleared away any larger threats by the time Shouyou reached them, some things still went unnoticed, like a small nest of mole rats that only surfaced as Shouyou passed them. Rather than waste his ammo on them, he made better use of the short knife affixed to the end of his rifle, skewering three of the squealing creatures on the sharp blade and bashing the last over the head with the gun. He had already begun to embellish the story in his head for relaying to Kageyama later, as he set off on his path again.

His plan was to track Kageyama to wherever the deathclaw was, and then lie in wait, either until Kageyama needed help, or the deathclaw was dead, whichever came first. If Kageyama did away with it without a problem, then Shouyou would reveal himself and be showered with praise for managing to follow him without any assistance (or at least, hopefully, some hair ruffling); and if Kageyama was having trouble, surely it was nothing they couldn't handle together.

The night spent alone was the hardest part. It was pitch dark out, and chilly, but Shouyou didn't dare light a fire and give away his position to Kageyama—or far worse things, out in the Wasteland. But in the distance, he could see a tiny pinprick of light. Kageyama, secure in his ability to handle anything the Wasteland wanted to throw at him, wasn't afraid to start a fire. Shouyou wished he were laying in the earth next to it, joking with Kageyama and probably getting on his nerves. He contented himself with the knowledge that he'd see the other man the very next day.

He rose early, and waited. Kageyama, he knew, always liked to start moving an hour after the sun first touched the sky. Shouyou timed his departure carefully, and found that soon the forest of dead trees had grown much thicker around him as he neared the location marked on the map. There was a highway nearby, leading to a relatively large city in the distance—if he reached that, he would know he'd gone too far.

Perhaps he should have asked Yamaguchi more about deathclaws. But that probably would have made the other man suspicious. There was a computer terminal in Tsukishima's office that he could have used, to look up more information, but he hadn't thought of it in time (and he didn't particularly feel like risking the doctor's wrath). As it was, he didn't know anything aside from the name; not its strengths or weaknesses, or even what it looked like.

As Shouyou began to feel slowly more and more worried about his lack of preparation, and odd sound—a whining _whirr_ in the air, growing louder and higher in pitch—made him glance up.

He sucked in air and flung himself to the side, as the rusted skeleton of an old car smashed into the ground right where he'd been standing.

Frightened and stunned, he scrambled on his hands and knees through the dead leaves on the ground as it rolled, the destroyed metal groaning with the effort of movement. It stopped and he clutched his gun, knees shaking, and peered through one of the dusty windows.

"Oh," he whispered. "Deathclaw."

Now he knew what they looked like. He wished he'd never learned. The creature was massive, ten, maybe eleven feet tall, with thick, scaly skin and curling horns on top of its head. But its claws had given it its fearsome name, and they were truly vicious. Sharp talons tipping the ends of its fingers, at least a foot in length, large enough to slice a person in half. It stalked through the trees, hadn't seen him yet, but if it did…

_Where was Kageyama?_

The rattling noise of gunfire echoing through the trees drew his attention, and then a loud blast tore the air apart, a cacophony of sound and light. It was a frag grenade going off, right against the deathclaw's hide, and it roared its fury, though the force of the explosion made it stumble mightily.

But only stumble. Shouyou stared, mouth open in horror, as it trained its evil gaze back onto Kageyama, seemingly none the worse for wear. It took a menacing step towards him, and another, and Kageyama raised his rifle, feet squared, staring the monster down through his scope.

And Shouyou felt himself becoming _furious._

Kageyama thought he didn't need help? How _stupid_ could he be?

He stepped out from behind the car, dropped to one knee to take aim, and shouted, "KAGEYAMA! Just run already!"

Kageyama's head whipped to face his direction, mouth opening in shock. The deathclaw didn't react at first, but it noticed when Shouyou let loose a spray of bullets, right across its back. They ricocheted off, but its focus, now, was on him.

"What the _fuck are you doing?!"_ Kageyama yelled.

"Helping!" Shouyou yelled back. The deathclaw was turning, now, slowly, in his direction.

"Get back!" Kageyama said, frantically. "Run, you idiot!"

The deathclaw made up its mind. It started to sprint, right for Shouyou, who would have wondered why Kageyama thought he _wouldn't_ run; but then, the deathclaw's foot crunched on something in the leaves and Shouyou heard the catch of spring loaded mechanics, and a shrill beeping: a split second warning.

"Shouyou, take cover!" Kageyama shouted at him. "Get behind something—"

Shouyou flung himself around the base of a tree and tucked himself into a ball, making himself as small as possible as an awful noise filled the air; another explosion, but this time, it was followed by an endless clinking, clattering wave, like coins being poured into a metal basin. The tree he was hiding behind shuddered, and hundreds of thin, dull _thunks_ sounded as many small objects impacted its bark at a tremendous velocity. Shouyou hoped, teeth on edge, that none of them made their way through to him. And then, the noise stopped.

He peered out from behind the tree and for a moment, was struck with horror.

The deathclaw was still standing.

But then, as he watched, a hundred tiny spots began to seep red from its pale belly, where it was unprotected by its scaly hide. Slowly, it collapsed, finally killed by the bottlecap shrapnel landmine that it had stepped on, triggering the explosion right underneath it.

Kageyama was already approaching the body, but his rifle was raised, trained right between its eyes as he neared it. Gingerly, he nudged its head with his foot, drawing back instantly. The deathclaw didn't budge. It truly was dead.

"Are you hurt?" Kageyama called out, still not taking his eyes off it. But when Shouyou didn't respond right away, he wheeled around to search for him. "Shouyou!"

"I'm—" Shouyou crawled out from behind the tree, scrambling to his feet. "I'm fine!" he said, though he could hear his voice wavering. Fine may be an exaggeration, but he wasn't injured.

Kageyama stared at him. He took one step toward Shouyou, two, then suddenly was striding forward, footfalls heavy, his expression turning black as a storm cloud.

"Ka-Kageyama—" Shouyou wheezed, "can we just talk about this—I only wanted to make sure you were okay—please don't kill me—!"

Kageyama grabbed him, fingers digging into Shouyou's shoulders painfully—he squeaked in terror as Kageyama shoved him back against the tree trunk—and froze, holding completely still as Kageyama brought their lips together.

It seemed like Kageyama wasn't yet ready to kill Shouyou. Instead, he slid a hand from Shouyou's shoulder, against the back of his neck, fingers flexing and curling in his hair. His mouth softened, slackened as he turned his head, and his lips slotted more comfortably against Shouyou's, so Shouyou could feel how warm they were, the fact that they were trembling, very, very slightly.

Shouyou dropped his gun. Any other time, Kageyama would have yelled at him for being careless, but he didn't even seem to notice. The other man didn't seem to notice, either, what this new type of touching was doing to Shouyou. He'd gotten comfortable with rough pats on the back, or a hand swiping at his hair, and even the very rare, awkward hugs Kageyama allowed when Shouyou whined enough about how accurate his shooting had been that day and how he deserved a reward.

His hands now were somehow rough, but careful, fingers twisting lightly in Shouyou's hair, holding him closer than Kageyama ever had before. He gripped the back of Shouyou's neck and breathed, slowly, tightening his grip, and a ripple of something hot zipped up Shouyou's spine. Something pleasant. He accidentally let a noise slip from him, soft and airy and encouraging, against Kageyama's mouth.

Kageyama pulled away from him instantly. Shouyou blinked at him, slow and dazed. He'd never seen Kageyama so red, not even after hugs, when his cheeks would flare up pink as he grumbled and stalked away. Now he was flushed, lips parted, staring at Shouyou like Shouyou had been the one to do something unexplainable and confusing.

"Why did you do that?" Shouyou asked Kageyama.

Kageyama shook his head. "Sorry," he said, his voice low, and hoarse, and Shouyou swayed unsteadily, blinking up at him.

Shouyou's lips were still warm, and he touched them with his fingers, murmured against them, "Tell me why."

Kageyama let out a small, dry laugh. "You keep almost getting yourself killed on my account," he said. "And I just… I wanted…"

Shouyou was, out of the two of them, the one who was so new to touch. But somehow, it was always Kageyama who had the harder time of initiating it.

"I do, too," Shouyou said, letting his hand fall away from his mouth. He stared up at Kageyama.

"You what?"

"I want you to touch me, more," Shouyou told him. "I want to touch you, but I don't know—"

He fell silent, because Kageyama was raising slow, tentative hands, reaching out for him. Shouyou held his breath, wondering what would come next.

At the first brush of Kageyama's fingers, gentle against his cheeks, he exhaled. He wanted to ask what he should do, but then, like before, Kageyama was covering Shouyou's mouth with his own, but it wasn't the same stilted press of lips. And Shouyou found he didn't need to ask any questions, at all.

The pads of Kageyama's fingers were calloused, but so soft right then, cupping Shouyou's face in his hands as he coaxed Shouyou's mouth open carefully, lips chapped, a little bit of extra friction where they rubbed together. Shouyou closed his eyes so he could focus on that sensation better, but that made him feel like his spinning head was causing him to lose his balance. He put his hands out, fisting them in the front of Kageyama's shirt, and Kageyama pulled him in, held him closer, big hands warm and secure.

He sucked gently on Shouyou's bottom lip, tongue swiping lightly over it, and Shouyou shuddered in his arms, eyes cracked open just barely because he wanted to see—but something was making it hard to focus, hard to look, hard to breathe. He gave a shallow gasp, unintentional, trying to force air back into his body, and Kageyama pulled back.

 _"Nnh_ —" Shouyou mumbled. His lips were wet, he could feel, and he tried to swallow, but his tongue had seemed to cease functioning. "M-more—Ka… Kagey—"

He broke off in a sigh as Kageyama instantly ducked in again, and Shouyou's mouth fell open, and Kageyama slipped his tongue inside. Shouyou whined, trying to match him, sliding his tongue desperately against Kageyama's, hoping the mess he was making was okay.

He knew that if they had been in the Vault—if the Overseer and his aides had ever found out Shouyou's lips had touched someone else's, he would have been shamed, and punished. Maybe confined. But this was so much more than a light, glancing touch. There was spit collecting at the corners of Shouyou's mouth, he could see his own saliva clinging to Kageyama's lips in glistening strands every time he readjusted slightly. The choked whining he couldn't stop himself from making every time Kageyama's tongue tangled with his own sounded embarrassing even to his own ears. What if Kageyama thought he was filthy, after this?

"This…" Shouyou murmured, his words garbled and strange, "is this… wrong?"

Kageyama paused, breaths heaving. "N—no. It's not. But I—" He swallowed, looking pained, his eyes dragging down over Shouyou's face. "I can stop. If you want to stop, I can..."

But he didn't want to, that was obvious. And so, Shouyou thought, maybe… wrong or not…

"Don't," he said.

Kageyama nodded. He leaned in again, but this time, instead of putting his mouth to Shouyou's, he pressed it to his jaw, continuing to work his lips down further. He shifted, and one of his legs bent slightly, between Shouyou's own.

Shouyou cried out, softly, and Kageyama stilled.

"Please…" Shouyou reassured him, "keep…"

"I want to know," Kageyama said, voice rasping, "if you need me to stop."

"I'll tell you… I promise, just _please_ —"

"Shouyou—" Kageyama started to say, and Shouyou's hips jumped forward at the sound of his name, making him rock against Kageyama's thigh again, and he sobbed. "Shit, okay, okay—"

He pressed his lips under Shouyou's ear, high up on his neck, sucking at the skin softly, and Shouyou rocked into him again, moaning. He wanted Kageyama to know how _much_ he was enjoying it, but more importantly, how much he needed it. He'd never wanted anything like this, even when he'd been forbidden from thinking about it. He didn't think it was just because it felt good.

He thought it must be Kageyama.

"Kageyama…" he whimpered. His hips rolled again, when Kageyama grazed his teeth down the line of Shouyou's neck, licking a rough, hot line back up it. It was scary, and overwhelming, the pressure inside him—it was good, but maybe too good, and he didn't know how he would handle it if it kept going. His stomach and between his legs felt heavy and hot, and he ground himself against Kageyama's leg, trying to relieve some of the pressure, but that only made it worse. _"Kageyama,_ help—"

Kageyama came back to his mouth, teeth tugging his lower lip before working him open again, fast and eager, and one of his hands drifted low, resting at the small of Shouyou's back and pushing, as he pressed his thigh hard between Shouyou's legs.

Shouyou's knees nearly gave way as a feeling totally new to him, strange and terrifying and incredible, swept over him from head to toe. He gasped, caught by surprise, clinging to Kageyama to stop himself from falling. The other man caught him immediately, holding him against his chest.

"Oh, oh, _oh_ —"

"Shouyou…" Kageyama said. His voice sounded odd and far away.

"I—" Shouyou sank lower, knees still trembling, and Kageyama helped him, until they were both sitting at the base of the tree, with Shouyou huddled up in his lap. "What did I…"

Kageyama tipped his face up with a hand under his chin. "Did you just come?"

"What?!" Shouyou gasped. "No, I—I just—" He shifted, and felt the uncomfortable wetness at the front of his pants, and stared at Kageyama, eyes wide and watery. "I couldn't—stop it—"

"Hey, hey—" Kageyama said.

"Was that—am I—" Shouyou gulped in air. He didn't know why he was so scared—or he _did,_ but he knew there was no reason for it. No one could abandon him to the Wasteland to die for this crime. He had already made it his home, and Kageyama was there. He let out a long sigh as Kageyama ran a hand through his hair. "I'm okay. It's okay."

"Yeah." Kageyama nodded, and then his lips twitched. "It's _so_ okay."

Shouyou pushed his face closer to Kageyama's, and the other man leaned back slightly, eyebrow raised. "Did you? C-come?"

Kageyama's expression twisted into his usual crooked grin. "Just from kissing you? Sorry, no."

"What?" Shouyou asked, shocked. He knew he was being made fun of, but he had too many questions. _"How?_ It felt s-so _good_ , I couldn't even—I just—"

"You 'just'," Kageyama said, grin softening as he pressed his mouth to Shouyou's cheek, then his ear. "We can work on that, don't worry."

Shouyou pulled back to stare at him in awe. "Can we? You'll show me?"

Red in the face, Kageyama nodded. "D-dumbass. Fine."

Shouyou cheered. "Also—you totally needed my help after all with the deathclaw."

Kageyama spent the next few minutes trying to force him to eat leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The short fic [Yellow Dress](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12726660) takes place between this chapter and the next!


	3. Chapter 3

It would take awhile for all the pieces to start moving after the deathclaw job. Kageyama brought one of its severed forearms back to the city; the head was too big to carry without assistance. Even then they wouldn't pay him in full. The land developers who issued the job decided upon sending some of their workers to check and make sure the task was actually done. This itself took time, because no one wanted to go. If Kageyama was lying about killing the deathclaw (which many people thought he _was,_ having gone out by himself), whoever went to verify would likely end up dead instead.

It was Tsukishima, of all people, who stepped in and convinced them to take his word. The doctor vouched for him on the grounds of "getting these idiots out of my hospital as fast as possible," and a team was sent, to check the site.

This left Kageyama up to his own devices for a few weeks, before the final deal was closed. In the interim, he began to slowly get their things packed up in order to move. Once Kageyama (and Shouyou, who insisted on getting some credit for showing up and being a distraction) had been paid, they could look for somewhere else in the city to stay that wasn't a tiny hospital barely large enough to contain the two doctors who staffed it.

But for now, they still had their odd space, the always abandoned recovery wing of the hospital, where they'd been allowed to claim the two twin beds right at the end. They had plastic curtains for privacy, and one dim overhead light that swung from the ceiling between them when Kageyama clicked it on.

"I still like that one place by the noodle shop," Shouyou was arguing as he bounced onto his bed. Kageyama pried his eyes down from their position rolled up towards the sky, where they'd been since he had made the poor decision to bring Shouyou along to look at places to stay.

"No," he said. "You like _the noodle shop._ You get hungry every time you pass it."

"It just smells so good!" Shouyou groaned. "Maybe if we stay right next to it I'll get used to it."

"Or we'll go broke," Kageyama countered, sitting, and then flopping onto his back on the bed, one arm covering his eyes. He was tired, and his head hurt. He'd never worried about finding a permanent residence before. Trying to figure out a balance between _affordable_ and _not a health hazard_ was beginning to seem impossible.

He realized Shouyou had stopped arguing and lifted his arm. The other man was now staring at him, head tilted, like a small, curious animal.

"Stop staring," Kageyama said, flatly. It carried no weight.

"We," Shouyou said.

"What?"

Shouyou shrugged. "I don't know, I just…" He twisted his hands in his lap, before mumbling quickly, "I like how it's 'we', now. Or, us, I guess."

Kageyama felt his stomach twist. "Well, yeah," he said, "I'm kind of stuck with you." Shouyou nodded, leaning towards him, precariously close to tipping right off the bed. Kageyama motioned to him. "Come on."

Shouyou slipped off the other bed and climbed onto his, hands and knees shuffling up the stiff sheets until he was eye level with Kageyama, nearly nose to nose. Kageyama looked up at him, waiting. They barely fit on the same mattress.

"Kageyama," Shouyou said, determined.

"Mmm?"

"Do the thing," he demanded.

"Okay," Kageyama said, reaching up to brace the back of Shouyou's head with his hand.

He felt guilty, _almost._ He still hadn't told Shouyou what this was called, yet, because… it was so funny (sweet, if Kageyama had to admit it), listening to him ask for what he wanted. So far, Kageyama's favorites had been "match your lips up with my lips," and "I want to taste your mouth," though the second one had made him feel less endeared and more hard as a rock. He'd left Shouyou red-faced, panting and nearly cross-eyed, after that one.

Kageyama was generally good at holding back, however, and so the times they had kissed had been memorable, but scarce, and more often than not the request was simple: _do that thing again, Kageyama._

So Kageyama did.

He let the fingers of one hand trail lazily at the small of Shouyou's back, gently holding his head with the other, and Shouyou melted into him, pressing close, fingers grabbing at his shirt, clutching at his shoulders, stroking over his face. He was far more sure of where he wanted to put his hands than he had been the first time, had no problems holding on and not letting go; but his technique hadn't improved much—it mostly consisted of letting his mouth fall open under Kageyama's, so that all his soft exhalations, whines and sighs, spilled out against Kageyama's tongue.

"Quiet," Kageyama murmured, and Shouyou whimpered into his mouth. "Calm down, or you'll wake the doctors."

"Wh-when we move," Shouyou said, "I c-can be as loud as I—"

"No," Kageyama said. His face felt hot, at the prospect of a whole horde of nosy neighbors overhearing the noises Shouyou made whenever Kageyama so much as breathed on him.

His stomach, however, tightened in something like irritation. He didn't _want_ anyone else to hear the way Shouyou sounded. These noises were his.

"I have an idea," Shouyou said, mouthing over Kageyama's cheek. "I'll stay quiet if—"

"No _bargains,_ " Kageyama said. "You quiet down, or we stop."

Shouyou pulled back to look at him, eyes round and wounded. "Don't stop," he pleaded. "I'll try."

 _Damn it,_ Kageyama thought. Instead of giving in right away, he traced Shouyou's jaw with his thumb, enjoying how it made him shiver. "What's your big idea?"

"Mmm…" Shouyou mumbled, chin tipping up, to let Kageyama slide a hand over his throat, "I thought… do you remember… a long time ago right after you found me? And…"

"And?" Kageyama prompted, voice dropping as he leaned in again, pressing his lips to the warm skin of Shouyou's throat, the side of his neck. It was unfair, he knew, to tell Shouyou to be quiet and then do that—and immediately, Shouyou pressed his palm against his mouth, but his gasp was still clearly audible, as he writhed in Kageyama's arms, hips rolling.

"I in-interrupted you," he whispered. "You were—"

"I was thinking about you," Kageyama said.

"No, when you were touch—touching—"

"I know," Kageyama told him, fingers gripping Shouyou's chin to pull his head back down. "And I was thinking about you."

He waited one moment, two. Shouyou stared at him, before his eyes went wide with realization and he let out the most piteous little cry Kageyama had ever heard, high and longing. Kageyama pulled him close, both hands cupping his face, letting Shouyou moan into his mouth. It muffled the sound the slightest bit.

"Please, please show me," Shouyou begged, "Kageyama, I'll do anything, _please—"_

"You don't have to promise me anything," Kageyama told him. "I'm here, you just need to ask."

"I—just—want—" Shouyou panted, choking on every breath. Kageyama rubbed his back, surprised by how fast he'd fallen apart.

"Calm down, okay? Calm down…"

"I want you to touch me," Shouyou said. "I want you to show me how—"

"I will," Kageyama reassured him. He shifted, so he could lay Shouyou back against the bed, and contemplated. "Do… do you want to do it yourself first?"

"No," Shouyou said. "I want you."

Kageyama took a deep breath. "Alright."

Slow, he reminded himself. He needed to be slow. He started to slide the smaller man out of his pants, watching Shouyou's expression, the way his hands crumpled the sheets, the shivers that raced through him from head to toe.

He had seen Shouyou naked before, too. Living in such close quarters, it would be inconvenient if they had stayed awkward about these things. But Shouyou had never been under him before, chest heaving with his unsteady breathing, cheeks red and lips parted, bare from the waist down. He didn't bother trying to hide anything. His cock lay against his stomach, stiff and pink, twitching as he stared up at Kageyama.

Kageyama had never been one for romance or passion. The thought always made him cringe, before—he was far more comfortable with a quick, silent fuck and another man he'd hopefully never have to see again in his life, because one or both of them would probably be dead before too long.

Apparently, those days had passed him by.

He leaned down to kiss Shouyou softly, resting both hands on his legs near his hips, thumbs slotting into the grooves. Shouyou had been worryingly thin when they'd first met, but he'd filled out substantially since then… and _hell_ if Kageyama hadn't noticed. The tops of his thighs were warm and soft, almost plump, under his hands. He wanted to squeeze them, but decided against it, this time.

"Tell me if you need to take a break," he said, "if it's too much."

Shouyou nodded, hips squirming a little. "Okay."

Kageyama lay on his side next to him so he wasn't crowding Shouyou, giving him space to breathe. Shouyou turned to look at him, expectant.

"There's not much to show," Kageyama said. "I'm going to touch you, and you tell me if you like it, or not. Okay?"

"Okay," Shouyou said again, eyes wide.

Kageyama nodded. Briefly, he regretted not anticipating this—they had nothing to use, not even lotion. But he would be going very slow, and he knew Shouyou wouldn't last very long.

He trailed his fingers up Shouyou's cock, touch feather light, and Shouyou's eyes fluttered, his expression going slack.

"I like it," he said immediately.

Kageyama leaned down to kiss his forehead. He didn't care anymore, that Shouyou made him want to move soft and slow. He needed to, or Shouyou couldn't take it.

"I'm barely doing anything," he said, even though he knew it didn't matter. "You can start off like this, though, if that's what you like."

"Th… then what…" Shouyou mumbled. He'd closed his eyes.

Kageyama curled his fingers gently around his shaft, giving it a few short, shallow pumps, and Shouyou's eyes flew open as he gasped.

"Stop?" Kageyama asked.

Shouyou bit his bottom lip, dragging it through his teeth. "N-no…"

"Sure?" Kageyama checked, brushing the pad of his thumb over the head of Shouyou's cock. Shouyou's entire body jerked in response.

"Maybe—a break," he panted. When Kageyama gave him a long look, he glared. "I'm not stopping, I just need a _second."_

"A second," Kageyama repeated, pulling his hand away regardless. He rested his head on his fist, looking down at Shouyou. "To do what?"

Shouyou huffed. He wriggled around on the bed a little bit, and Kageyama couldn't stop his lips from quirking.

"Let me try," Shouyou said, and without warning, grabbed for Kageyama's crotch.

"Hey!" Kageyama yelped, slightly louder than he'd intended. "Shouyou—fuck!"

Fast as ever, Shouyou had the button of his pants undone and his zip down before he even knew what was happening. Kageyama's cock fell out, still mostly soft. Shouyou began to turn bright pink.

"You've seen it before," Kageyama said.

"Not—" Shouyou squeaked, "when I'm planning on doing stuff to it!"

That was a worrying way to phrase it, Kageyama thought, but he didn't say anything out loud, for once not wanting to embarrass Shouyou more than he had to. "You were the one who decided to bring him into this," he said dryly, waving a hand vaguely at his dick.

"I know that! And don't call it a 'he', Kageyama, that's weird," Shouyou said, mouth set in a determined line. "O-okay, tell me if… if I do anything wrong." And before Kageyama could say another word, he shut his eyes, reached out, and squeezed his hand around Kageyama's cock.

If Kageyama were to try and tell Shouyou what he was doing wrong, he'd have too many options to choose from. He made a face but otherwise kept quiet, deciding instead to try and make suggestions.

"Can you…" He tried to make his expression neutral as Shouyou opened his eyes to look at him. "Uh, you're just kind of… maybe don't squish it so much. Move your hand up and down, like what I was doing."

"Oh, okay," Shouyou said. It became far easier for Kageyama to relax when Shouyou started to stroke him in a less awkward way. "You're getting bigger!"

"Yeah," Kageyama grunted, unsure of what else he could offer.

"You're bigger than me," Shouyou observed.

"Yeah," Kageyama said again. He meant to point out that it didn't really matter, but when he opened his mouth, he said instead, "What'd you expect?"

Shouyou bit his lip. "I don't know. I'm gonna use both hands, okay?"

This, Kageyama hadn't been anticipating. "Uh—sure, okay."

He stared as Shouyou wrapped his other hand around him, felt his dick throb inside the warm cage of heat that created. Shouyou stroked him lightly, careful not to rub too hard.

"Ah," Shouyou said, watching as the tip of Kageyama's cock peeked out the opening he'd made with his hands, before he covered it again. He was circumcised, while Kageyama wasn't, and he seemed fascinated by the way the skin slid back from Kageyama's head on every stroke. "It's we-wet? Are you—"

"No…" Kageyama said. He could feel himself breathing a little faster. He wasn't close yet, but it was the first time they'd done enough for him to get this aroused, and Shouyou had noticed.

"Will you?" Shouyou asked breathlessly. "This time?"

"Maybe," Kageyama murmured. "Is your second over?"

"M-maybe…" Shouyou said, and then blushed at his own coy tone.

Kageyama put an arm over his waist, resting his hand at the small of Shouyou's back. "Try something with me. Get closer."

Shouyou obeyed, scooting nearer until their fronts were nearly touching. He stayed pliant, eyes fixed on Kageyama's face, as Kageyama slid his hand from his back down his bare leg, lifting it until he could drape it over his hips and pull Shouyou against him. Shouyou pressed one of his palms to his mouth as their hips pushed together, and Kageyama rubbed against him, fully hard now, and more than ready for it.

"This okay?" Kageyama asked.

Shouyou nodded, one hand coming up to dig his fingers into Kageyama's shoulder. He shifted, pushing up and against Kageyama.

Kageyama dropped a hand into Shouyou's hair to hold him as his body went soft and limp, eyes screwing tightly shut. His hand fell away from his mouth as a reedy whine threaded out of him, and Kageyama resigned himself to the fact that this would be over quickly. He didn't mind, all that much.

"Move your hips a little," he said, and Shouyou started to rock against him, a soft, blubbery sob bubbling up out of him. "You've got to keep moving, nothing's gonna happen if you just sit there…"

"I'm—" Shouyou tried to say, voice thick, "tr-trying, it's—"

Kageyama hummed, pushing gently on the back of Shouyou's head until he could tuck it under his chin. He rocked his hips slowly, very slowly, and Shouyou shuddered and panted more wet, pleading noises into his collarbone.

"Keep going?" Kageyama asked. He didn't want to stop—Shouyou was soft and warm in his arms, it felt good, laying pressed together like this, and better when he could move their bodies against each other. He needed to go out and get some lube, it was too sticky and tacky where their sweat had started to dry to be comfortable, but if he kept rolling his hips instead of grinding, it didn't matter as much.

Only Shouyou mattered, and if he wanted to stop, Kageyama would stop.

"I f-feel it again," Shouyou told him. "I feel like—warm, too warm—"

"Do you want to come?" Kageyama asked.

"Yes—" Shouyou shivered violently. "I _do,_ I—"

He was beginning to sound panicked again. Kageyama leaned back to look at him. He still had his eyes shut tight, but his teeth were grit, and his eyelashes were fluttering.

"We can stop," Kageyama said. "We don't have to do this."

 _"No._ " Shouyou seemed to be curling in on himself. He shook his head jerkily. "I _know_ that. But I—I want to do everything with you. I've never been this—I don't want this to be the one thing that—"

"Okay," Kageyama said, seeing how difficult it was for him to explain. "Come here." Shouyou burrowed closer, pressing his face into Kageyama's neck. "Nothing bad is going to happen to you. I've got you."

He moved again, hesitant, and Shouyou didn't tighten up this time. He let Kageyama move with him, drew in deep inhales with his face against Kageyama's skin.

It took barely any time for him to finish, after that—he spilled hot on Kageyama's skin, shaking hard, fingers tight in Kageyama's shirt. He was almost completely quiet. Kageyama could just hear a few soft gasps from where his face was hidden. He wanted to ask if Shouyou was okay, again.

But Shouyou pulled back to look at him, he was smiling. His eyelashes were wet, but his eyelids were heavy and expression content.

"I did it," he said, proudly. Without hesitating (maybe trying not to lose his newfound nerve), he trailed his fingers down Kageyama's front, over the sensitive skin of his stomach where his shirt had been shoved up, to wrap his hand around Kageyama's cock. "I want you to do it, too," Shouyou told him. Kageyama nodded, reaching down to help him.

Shouyou did much better when he was being guided. His grip tightened, he learned to stroke Kageyama's shaft quickly but roll his palm slow over the tip—but it was the way he watched Kageyama, like he couldn't take his eyes away, that brought Kageyama fastest to the edge. It should have been embarrassing, but it wasn't. It made his face hot, but he didn't tell Shouyou to look away, knowing he wasn't watching to judge, but to remember. His eyes widened, every time Kageyama's breath caught in his throat, every time he bit his lip or made a noise.

"C-coming," Kageyama finally choked out, and Shouyou watched that, too, eyes finally leaving his face to stare openly down to where Kageyama's cock twitched, cum running over Shouyou's hand, between his fingers. Eventually, he had to pull Shouyou's hand away, when he started to feel oversensitive.

"I want to do more," Shouyou told him. He sounded sleepy. Kageyama shook his head, tugging at the sheets on the bed to try and find a loose corner, so he could clean them both off. He would need to make sure these did _not_ end up in a pile of laundry Yamaguchi was doing.

"There's no way you can handle any more than that right now," he said.

"Mmm," Shouyou mumbled, neither an agreement or protest. He stretched a thin arm across Kageyama's chest as they settled, fingers reaching to curl around Kageyama's bicep. "Tobio? I've—g-got you, too," he said.

Kageyama turned his head on the stiff pillow to face him. Normally, he never would have done this. He hated staying around after sex, usually tried to escape right away. It felt too personal to share even more space, was too uncomfortable to let another person in that close.

He stared now into Shouyou's eyes, sleepy and soft around the edges after his orgasm, but still alive with determination. The space between his eyebrows was crinkled up, furrowed ever so slightly. It didn't make Kageyama uncomfortable. Instead, it had the opposite effect.

"Yeah," Kageyama said, voice scratching in his throat. "We've got each other." Shouyou smiled a little and nodded, eyes starting to drop closed, and Kageyama watched him, thinking.

They did have each other now. For the first time in Kageyama's life, here was someone he didn't feel it was safer to push away. But what did any of that matter, if there were still things Shouyou was running from?

"Shouyou," he said softly, and Shouyou mumbled something indistinct. Kageyama put his arm around him, heavy and close, and said, "I think we need to go back."

"Back to… sleep…"

"No," Kageyama said, holding him a little tighter. "To where you come from. The Vault."

Shouyou stopped breathing. His entire body froze in Kageyama's arms.

"I'll be with you, this time," Kageyama continued. "I won't let anything—"

"Why?"

Shouyou's voice was barely a whisper.

"To help you," Kageyama said. "I need to know. About the Vault. And you—"

"I'm _happy,"_ Shouyou said, voice cracking.

"You aren't," Kageyama said. "You said it yourself, there's always a moment—when I see how scared you are." Shouyou inhaled a loud, mucus-y sniff, and Kageyama sighed. "Can you just… just _tell_ me—"

"I _can't,"_ Shouyou said. And then, quieter, "I don't… I don't remember."

That was something Kageyama had wondered. He knew Shouyou remembered some things about his life in the Vault—but it also seemed like there were pieces missing.

"I need to do something. I can't just let you keep…" He didn't know what to say to reassure Shouyou. There was no running from the nightmares of the Wasteland. It would always be kill or be killed. This was something Kageyama knew all too well. "You have to put this to rest," he said finally.

Shouyou was quiet for a long moment. Then he exhaled shakily. "You've got me."

Kageyama put his face in Shouyou's hair, and nodded. To his relief, he felt Shouyou relax, and begin breathing normally.

He had no idea what they might find at the Vault. Maybe answers, or maybe nothing at all. But anything, at this point, was better than ignoring the way Shouyou flinched, just a little, before letting himself be happy.

"We'll start planning tomorrow," Kageyama said. "Get some sleep."


	4. Chapter 4

In the end, planning for a trip as long and uncertain as a journey to the Vault was no small task. Though they began right away, neither Kageyama nor Shouyou knew what they might find, on the road or in the Vault itself. They would need to be prepared.

But Shouyou had to prepare himself in other ways that didn't involve packing, sorting through supplies, taking inventory of their ammunition stock. He needed to steel himself, mentally, for the journey ahead.

He was doing better than expected. Every time his thoughts wandered to that shrouded, unsure part of his memories, they were replaced by newer, better ones. Meals at the cramped table in the hospital, running through the trees under rainy skies, the callouses on Kageyama's palms and the way his fingers were a bit too large for Shouyou to wind through his own, though he always did it anyway.

Still, he wasn't entirely himself. Sometimes, he would become unfocused, as the two halves of his thoughts collided. It was during one of these times, on the evening before they departed, that Yamaguchi caught his strangeness.

"Shouyou, are you done with that?"

Shouyou snapped out of his daze. He was rinsing a plate over the sink, water running over it and down the drain. He couldn't remember how long he'd been holding it.

"Fine!" he said, quickly. "Sorry…"

"That's alright," Yamaguchi told him, turning off the water. "Are you… is everything ready for tomorrow?"

Shouyou nodded slowly. "I am."

"If you weren't…" Yamaguchi said, "I don't think he'd make you go."

Yamaguchi had been mostly against the idea of them going since they had informed the doctors of the upcoming journey. Shouyou had even overheard him talking to Kageyama when he thought Shouyou wasn't around to listen, encouraging him to wait.

But Kageyama was right. Waiting wouldn't bring Shouyou any more peace than the small amount he'd built up over the past few months. It would only prolong finding it.

"I know he wouldn't," Shouyou said. "But I'd rather not have that option. I don't want to back out, I want to do this."

He had been terrified at the thought at first, it was true. But for what reason? One he couldn't even remember, no matter how hard he tried. All he knew was he'd be going back to a lifeless home, but that wasn't what scared him. Somehow, he felt it would be worse if there was still someone waiting for him, but why that was, he couldn't say. And now, Kageyama would be with him.

"I can do this," Shouyou said quietly to himself later, trying to force himself to fall asleep, to rest, before they were out on the road.

"You can do this," Kageyama repeated, and Shouyou felt the murmur roll under his fingertips, pressed his cheek against Kageyama's chest, and slept.

*

It would take around two weeks to reach the Vault, judging by the time it had taken for them to reach Smog City after Kageyama had found Shouyou. There was a chill in the air there hadn't been the first time they had made the journey, and the trees had become somehow even more barren, grey and stiff. Kageyama told Shouyou this was because the seasons had changed—they were now midway through autumn.

But the wonderful thing, now, was how little the cold night air mattered. When it got dark enough in the evenings that he and Kageyama had to find shelter, light their small fire, they no longer slept separate, on opposite sides of the leaping flames. It was Kageyama's constant closeness that made Shouyou dread reaching the end of their path a little less.

"Why do you think they wouldn't let us touch anyone?" Shouyou asked softly one evening. He lay flat on his stomach, chin resting on top of his forearms. Next to him, Kageyama rested propped up on his side, watching the fire idly.

"I don't know," Kageyama said, slowly. "You've never really told me anything about that."

Shouyou hummed. It was true, he hadn't—and not just because of his absent memories, or the anxious pit in his stomach he felt when he thought about the Vault. "I just never realized it was strange. But the longer I've been near you…"

And it wasn't just Kageyama. After several months of living with them, he'd noticed that Yamaguchi was prone to reassuring gestures, a friendly hand on Tsukishima's shoulder, or gently scooting Shouyou aside when he was in the way, which was always. People hugged and patted each other on the back and shook hands all the time, without a second thought. It was unavoidable, but it was also necessary.

What had happened in the Vault?

"What about your parents?" Kageyama asked.

Shouyou looked at him, confused. "My what?"

"Your parents… your mother and father?" Kageyama explained. "They would have had to hold you at some point."

"Oh, no," Shouyou shook his head. "That's not how it worked."

Now Kageyama looked lost. "What do you mean?"

"We didn't know who our parents were," Shouyou said. "No one did."

He realized, by the expression on Kageyama's face, that something was off.

"Explain…" Kageyama said, watching him closely.

"Um…" Shouyou wracked his brain for the scientific explanation he'd been told since he was old enough to understand. They'd never come easily to him. "It's called in… in vitro… something. I guess, basically, they'd just get whatever they needed from the parents and then they'd make the baby."

"They'd… make the baby?" Kageyama repeated, dumbfounded.

"Yeah," Shouyou said. "They said it was the purest way."

"The purest—what the _fuck,_ " Kageyama said sharply. "Where did they keep you?"

"I don't know," Shouyou said.

"And what about when you were kids?" Kageyama pressed.

"You've seen, already," Shouyou reminded him. "We just knew we weren't supposed to get close to each other."

He'd grown up without knowing it was okay to hug someone you liked, kiss someone you cared for. There hadn't been any of that. They'd only expressly been forbidden from touching themselves, but that was bodily instinct. All the other things that connected people to one another were learned, and they had been lost to the Vault.

He scooted a little closer to Kageyama and felt a reassuring hand slide over his back. "I just never knew that was something I could do," he said.

"Whatever happened to them, good riddance," Kageyama spat, though his touch remained gentle.

"I don't—I don't know," Shouyou told him. "There must have been other people like me. That means they died without ever getting to have what I have now. They never got to be out here. I think I had a… a friend… but I can't remember her now…"

Kageyama's hand slowed. "You remember growing up… but you can't even remember who you grew up with?"

Shouyou shook his head. "Not very well. It's another thing that's just… missing."

If he closed his eyes, and thought very, very hard, gave himself a headache, he thought he could remember something like a face. One other person who had seemed warm, a single connection within the endless cold of the Vault. The only other person besides himself who'd smiled.

A friend.

But the harder he tried to remember, the more uncomfortable he felt, and the farther the blurry features faded, into the dark recesses of his memory.

"What was her name…" he wondered.

"Maybe we can… try and find something there." Kageyama resumed his comforting touches, a hand stroking through Shouyou's hair. "Maybe other people escaped like you."

Shouyou hesitated, then nodded. He knew Kageyama was trying to be helpful, and didn't want to reject his encouragement. But Kageyama wasn't in his head, Kageyama couldn't understand the certainty roiling cold and fearful in his stomach.

Whatever terrible event had happened in the Vault, Shouyou hadn't escaped it. He couldn't remember, try as he might, but he felt as though it had been everyone else, who'd been trapped, unable to run.

And whatever happened, whatever bloodshed had occurred, had been entirely his fault.

*

As the days went by and they trekked closer to their goal, they talked more about the discrepancies in Shouyou's memory, the differences between the inside of the Vault, and out.

"So sex… _makes_ babies?" Shouyou asked, stunned. They'd never even been told what the impure way of conception was, and now he could see why the topic had been avoided. It would have been the most taboo of subjects, in the Vault.

The skies above were grey despite the early time of day, as they walked along the crumbly asphalt road that wound from one of the larger cities into the outskirts, before giving way to the trees. They were just over a week into their journey.

Many of their conversations revolved around discussing the Vault in earnest, now; what it had been like, what was different outside its walls, what had been forbidden. Anything that might help them understand what they would soon discover, what might be keeping Shouyou's memories from surfacing.

"Sometimes," Kageyama replied in answer to his question. "And only if it's between a guy and a girl."

"I know it's got to be one of each," Shouyou said, "we just didn't know it was such a… they never told us the other way was so intimate, I guess?" Truthfully, he wasn't really sure what it was like, when other people touched each other the way he and Kageyama did. Kageyama had actually mentioned rarely caring all that much for it, before meeting Shouyou. For some reason, this thought made Shouyou feel like jumping up in the air and shouting, and then touching Kageyama even more.

"It doesn't have to be," Kageyama said. "But it's not weird, for people to care about each other when they decide to have a baby."

Shouyou hummed. "What about your… parents?" he asked, testing the unfamiliar word out on his tongue. "Did they care about each other?"

Kageyama shrugged. "I don't know. They didn't really care about me, though, either."

"Oh," Shouyou said. "Well, I guess we're the same, then. But we weren't really allowed to care about each other, even if we wanted to."

"What would they do, if that happened?"

"Huh?" Shouyou asked, absently. He had become distracted by a large boulder in the path of the road—could he jump over it, was the dominant question in his mind.

"What happened if you did start to get close to someone?" Kageyama asked. Shouyou stopped to consider and Kageyama pressed further. "If they didn't allow it, there must have been consequences? You said they sent people out into the Wasteland, but they couldn't have done that to everyone, there must have been some other type of punishment—"

A sudden darkness filled the spaces behind Shouyou's eyes—a darkness, and a silence.

Together they pressed in on him, until he couldn't breathe and his entire head felt like it might rupture from the pressure—

Just as suddenly, it stopped. When he regained his senses, he found he was lying curled into a ball on the road, Kageyama crouched protectively over him but not touching him, like he was afraid to set off an even worse reaction.

"Shouyou, can you hear me?" he was asking. "Are you in pain—"

"No—" Shouyou gasped, and Kageyama swore in relief. "It's not—it didn't hurt, but—" He shuddered, tucking his head down, and moaned. The awful sensation had faded, but something still lingered in its wake; a coldness, an emptiness.

Fear.

"There's a reason," he mumbled softly. "There's a reason I don't want to go back. But I can't remember, I can't…"

"Let's turn around," Kageyama said. "Let's go home—"

"I'm fine," Shouyou said. He wasn't. But now, along with the fear, he felt a new emotion. "I'm _mad._ " He wanted to know why he and the others had been forced to live the life they had in the Vault.

But anger couldn't make the strange darkness disappear. Whatever had happened, it had seemed to allow Shouyou to be possessed by the sensation, although never as strong as the first time.

He had to stop walking along logs and jumping over rocks, because it could flare at any moment, knocking him off balance and sending him sprawling. At night, Kageyama had to grip him as close as possible, because closing his eyes made Shouyou feel like he was falling away into the blackened cracks. Strange things happened when they tried to listen to the radio, as though tuning it between stations was tuning whatever the darkness was, made it rise and fade away in the spaces between Shouyou's ears.

The sensation grew stronger and became harder to shake off the closer they got to the Vault. Shouyou knew this must mean they were going the right direction. He would have felt better about that fact had it not been so difficult and terrifying. But soon, they had passed the rubble town where he and Kageyama had first camped for the night, then the spot where Kageyama had saved Shouyou from bandits. Which meant that soon, a two days' walk from that point…

"Is this… it?" Kageyama asked, one day, and Shouyou looked up from where his eyes had been fixated on his feet, walking, walking, and saw that they'd arrived. He couldn't remember walking to reach it.

It was just the entrance to a small cave in the hillside. But though he'd only ever seen the outside of it once, before running, without stopping to look back again, Shouyou recognized it.

"Yes," he said, and swallowed. The entrance to the cave was pitch black, but already, Shouyou could sense an even deeper dark, clinging to the edges of his vision.

Soon, he told himself, soon they would know, and soon he could get rid of this, the fear and the cold silence, once and for all.

Kageyama pulled a flashlight out of his pack, clicking it on and raising it high above his head, so the thin beam of light illuminated the inside of the cave. There was nothing immediately visible but the rocky walls and floor, but that didn't mean there was no danger. Wasteland caves were often hotbeds of irradiated life.

Without a word passed between them, they armed themselves. Kageyama passed the flashlight to Shouyou so he could use his rifle, and Shouyou unholstered his small pistol, so he could shoot and still keep the flashlight aloft.

"Stay close to me," Kageyama said, and Shouyou had no problem following orders, sticking right behind him as though glued to his back.

They continued down, into the dark cave, Shouyou clinging close, but not close enough to impede Kageyama's movements, or have either of them in the way of the other's line of fire. But the deeper they walked, the quieter the cave seemed to get. There was no sign of mole rats burrowing underfoot, or the telltale _skritch skritch_ of radroaches skittering along the walls.

"Do you remember walking out of here?" Kageyama whispered.

"I remember stepping out," Shouyou said. "I remember seeing the sun, but I don't remember how I got— _Kageyama."_

He grabbed the other man's arm, squeezing unintentionally hard. Kageyama was already moving to shield him with his body, rifle raised. The thin beam of the flashlight had illuminated in front of them a looming, open door.

The entrance to the Vault.

The rounded door towered above them, the weight of it obvious just from looking at it. If it hadn't been unlocked already, there would have been no telling how they would have accomplished the task. Explosives wouldn't have done it; it had been made to withstand a nuclear blast.

In the very middle of the door, a bold rusted number had been carved from the metal: 84.

The number rattled around in Shouyou's head painfully as they made their way forward, past the yawning door to step over it, into the cold metal depths beyond. It was even darker inside, without the light from the cave entrance shining down, but the flashlight illuminated some of its corners enough for them to see something was not quite right.

"You were covered in blood when I found you," Kageyama said, voice low. "Why is everything so clean?"

"This doesn't make sense…" Shouyou murmured. He swung the flashlight from side to side, but all it showed was the spotless, empty inside of the Vault.

Barely had he followed Kageyama over the threshold of the door when there was a low, buzzing _hum_ and the dim reserve lighting began to flicker to life. Kageyama spun, rifle raised.

"It's just the—emergency lighting…" Shouyou said, but his voice stuck in his throat, trapped by bile rising. Even with how low the lights were, they still seemed to refract in his vision, burning his eyes, battling with the darkness. First, he couldn't see, and then he saw too much, and the _hum_ and the pale lights magnified in his head, and as awful as they were, they still felt all too familiar—as though the absence of them was what he'd been missing all along.

"Shouyou?" Kageyama asked, voice tense, but he cut off, when the radio at his hip flared to life suddenly, flying through different stations in a haze of chatter and fuzzy music and static, until it all _stopped._ It landed on a single, steady, high-pitched tone, so steady and high that it was hard to perceive, once it had started.

Shouyou collapsed. It felt like all the functions to his body had been cut off, like a marionette with its strings sliced. He heard shouting, but couldn't tell its source, and even that dimmed quickly, until all he could hear was the pounding of his own heart and the droning, whining hum. It seeped through his mind, his memories, pure and all-encompassing.

When he opened his eyes—or, when the darkness had gone—things were clear to him, again.

* * *

_To Hinata, things were simple._

_There was still the man, there, at his side, leaning over him, and Hinata remained utterly still as he stared into the man's frantic blue eyes, assessing his options. Everything was moving slowly, so slowly—it gave him so much time, to process, to react._

_There was a heavy, cold weight in his hand, and he clenched his fingers tight around it. He could tell by the feel of it that it would be adequate for his next action._

_The man was saying something to him, but Hinata was careful not to listen to his words, to show any expression, and so the man was caught entirely off guard when Hinata whipped the flashlight in his hand up at the fastest speed his reflexes would allow, cracking the man in the temple, sending him sprawling._

_The man was much bigger than him, but he'd been completely unprepared for Hinata's attack, and as he shook his head heavily, trying to get his bearings, Hinata shot to his feet and struck again, one more heavy swing of the flashlight to the man's head. The man was knocked unconscious._

_Hinata stared at him for a moment longer. Then he picked up the man's rifle, and slung it across his own back, along with the pistol he'd dropped earlier. He turned, and walked out of the Vault._

_It was finally time, now that he'd remembered. It was time to fulfill his duty, and find the Overseer._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes Arc 2! I miss this AU so much T_T hoping to get to Arc 3 soon, but trying to tackle one or two things before then...
> 
> [I'm [@esselley](http://esselley.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, [@Esselle_hq](https://twitter.com/Esselle_hq) on Twitter]


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